Baby I turns 2!

My baby is turning two today. We've always affectionately referred to him as "Baby I" and it has been a big shift to not call him, or think of him as, baby anymore. He's officially a full-on toddler and sharing a room with his Kuya (older brother, S)! This milestone has hit me harder than with any of my other kids, because at their second birthdays I was wearing a five or six month old baby. We have started to reach a new level of independence as they're all getting older, more self-sufficient, and playing together. It is bittersweet, for sure, and I want to remember every little thing about this stage.

I has the funniest sense of humor, much like those of his Papa and Kuya. He likes to make very emphatic surprised and grumpy faces to make us laugh. He is incredibly attached to his "sassy" (pacifier), despite efforts to discourage it, and with all the whirlwind in our lives the past several months, he has been so go with the flow that I can't bring myself to take it away yet. He loves to draw and color, and when he's focused can work on the same piece of artwork for an hour. He asks to use the potty like his siblings, but after trying for a morning it was clear he isn't ready yet (which is perfectly okay with me). He's also a climber, and loves to stand on top of tables and yell, "I a hero!"

He is starting to talk so much, and has his own thoughts to share now, rather than just repeating what we say. He has grown from calling milk "mum," cats "meows," and sharks "doot doos" (because "baby shark doot doo...") to responding, "I love you, Mama!" and singing along to Elsa songs as he dances around. He no longer says "deeno" for done or "strawbabies" for strawberries. But he still loves touching belly "beans" (buttons), and holds his hand on his belly button while he falls asleep.

He loves being held and doesn't like his hands to be sticky. He has become a pickier eater, and his favorite food is ketchup. He doesn't like to take medicine, but is thankfully past the phase of spitting it all out. He is just now past being so drooly he doesn't have to wear bibs every day, but his new favorite game is to take whatever liquid he's drinking and spit it out down the front of himself.

He loves "Choo Choo Thom-ees," "A-keen" (McQueen, as in Lightning) and airplanes, especially Dusty from Planes movie. He has been asking for a Dusty airplane birthday with ice cream cupcakes for weeks now, and that's exactly what we're going to do. We're not going to let moving or Covid stop us from celebrating through Zoom with our family and marking the day this sweet boy became part of our family.

I, we love everything you bring to our family, and we know the Lord has an amazing plan for your life. We hope you always know how much you are loved, my always baby boy. Happy second birthday!

Keeping Littles Busy at Home

I love how so many people have come together during this time of social distancing. People are using their gifts and talents  to help one another. I am certainly holding down the fort at home, and I know my value there, but I don't feel like I have much to offer the public right now. However, this list of ideas on how to keep littles busy at home are all tried and true, so I figured I would at least share with other parents trying to survive the cabin fever that is surely building a month in.

Collecting leaves for art projects.

I don't share any of these in a braggy way or to make anyone else feel lesser for not doing these things. We ALL have different strengths, and as a stay at home mom of three kids under 5 and a background in education, these things bring me life. Even though our kids are starting to play so well on their own, and their imaginations are incredible, I need something to look forward to every day, just to break up the monotony. I've seen so many options of virtual field trips and busy activities that it has felt a bit overwhelming as I've tried to figure out our new routine here. I have great intentions as I try to implement them, but it's usually too much to maintain consistently and I fizzle out after a few days of excitement. So I am trying to have one planned activity, usually in the morning or right after rest time, depending on our day. 

Airplane Cardboard Box Play

A lot of these might be things you've already seen or done, but my hope is that they will spark some new ideas to keep the quarantine blues at bay. I've struggled HARD with lack of motivation and finding energy to do anything above the basic necessities, so I know it feels hard, but for me, planning ahead helps me combat this a little bit. I know that's not everyone, so you do you! In planning these, I try to use things I already have around the house so I can get maximum fun and attention time from the littles with minimal cost and effort. Trust me, if I can do these things, you can too!

A few things to note: first, I have three kids under 5, so that's the target age range for most of these activities, but they could always be adapted for younger or older kids as well. That also means we aren't currently doing “school” per se, but are mostly learning through play with a few more intentional educational things mixed in, so we don't have that in the mix. And also, I am a stay at home mom, and have been since my oldest was born. This means I am not currently trying to entertain children while working from home. Seriously, moms and dads who are doing these deserve all the medals and chocolate! I can't imagine. I also don't mind a decent mess, but I love a good reset at the end of the day (or week, depending on the activity). Lastly, don’t stress when it doesn’t go the way you want (speaking yo those of us control issues 🙋🏻‍♀️). Let your kids lead in this. It’s supposed to be fun, and their ideas are usually better than ours anyway. 

How to Keep Littles Busy at Home

• Play music - Play something upbeat, using a blue tooth speaker, your TV, or just your phone. It makes an amazing difference in tone of our house, even when doing same old things: chores, playing, etc!
• Backyard Picnic - Grab a fun blanket or towels, make your own lunchables or your kids' favorite lunch, and eat outside or even on the living room floor.
• Bathtub paint - You can buy the special kind or just water-based paint washes off the tub easily!
• Window markers or paint - Again, the special ones or just dry erase markers worked for us!
• Cincinnati Zoo Virtual Field Trips - On the Cincinnati Zoo facebook page, they have an archive of previously recorded live videos with coordinating activities. They show different animals in their exhibits and answer questions. Each video is about 20 minutes long, and they're really interesting!

  

  Lego Zoo

• Create your own zoo - Use small plastic animals or stuffed animals and legos or whatever you have around to create different animal exhibits.
• Coloring - Put a twist on the traditional coloring book and crayons by putting out varied art supplies (markers, colored pencils, glue sticks, construction paper, whatever you have at home) and create cards or notes to family or friends you're missing. Get the kids involved in addressing or decorating the envelopes and taking them to the mailbox. 
• Water color paints - I'm always intimidated to get too "artsy" because of the mess. But one, I have started to just let some things go for the sake of creativity or fun or simply holding their attention. But the simple water color paints where you just dip the brush in water and then the paint is usually less messy than I imagine, and my kids LOVE it!
• Gluing - Now, hear me out. I had never let my kids use glue sticks until a few months ago. I cut out a bunch of random shapes from construction paper and gave them each a glue stick. They were mesmerized and creative. They loved it, and it was relatively not too messy!
• Nature Collages (or anything collages, really) - Collect nature items while going on a walk outside and bring them back and let them create using these items and glue or glue sticks. 
• Play Doh or Kinetic Sand - I know some parents detest this stuff, but I also know that makes it even more novel for most kids, holding their attention longer. We keep ours put up and they have to ask for it, but we've added things such as vehicles to make tracks or plastic knives and other kitchen items to spice up their creativity. 
• Indoor Pool Party - We just did this today, and it has kept my littles entertained for hours. We blew up our new summer pool, and filled it with the small "ball pit" balls. We've always used the slide into our pool, so we brought that inside as well, which is honestly probably why they played so long with it. They wore goggles and water wings, but you could even do swim suits inside! Get out "water toys" they don't always play with. Whatever makes it fun

  

  Indoor Pool Party

  and engaging. This requires a bit more work and we will probably leave it up all week.
• Cozy Reading Spot - Using the same blow up pool, or sometimes pop up tents, or fort, or whatever makes a cozy spot, we create a special reading spot. I set out special books, and that usually lasts only a few minutes, but they do continue to use it as a special play area much longer. 
• Indoor Camping - Bring in a small tent or pop-up tent, camping chairs, make a pretend campfire, tell stories, and make pretend (or real) s’mores! This is another one we've done for a whole week.
• Spa Night - I invited them to "spa night" and wrote out a menu: bubble bath, mani/pedis, facials, etc. It was all the stuff we usually do to prepare for bed (take a bath, cut fingernails and toenails, lotion, pajamas...) but spiced up for a bit more fun. Even my boys loved this. You could take it even further by doing a face mask, painting nails, doing hair, etc.
• Scavenger Hunts - Someone on facebook shared a great Scavenger Hunt List the other day of all different kinds: indoor, outdoor, by color, by letter, as a cleaning game (my personal favorite: "Everyone find all the green toys and put them away!" -- it works occasionally!)... These are easy to make up and a big hit with our kids, who love games!
• Tea Party - Have one with stuffed animals or a real one with the kids if you're feeling really ambitious.
• Super Hero Obstacle Course - Dress up in their favorite superhero costumes and use whatever you have around: couches, trampoline, slide, cushions, pillows, footstools, tents, etc to create an obstacle course for them to navigate. This is great for working on gross motor skills. Try to have them do moves like going over or under objects, walking in a zig zag or backward, jumping, hopping on one foot, and crawling.
• Take a Drive - Keeping with good social distancing practice, going for a drive makes for a nice change of scenery. Spice it up by doing a scavenger hunt or playing eye spy. Let them take a “friend” (stuffed animal) with them or bring a special snack. Drive by a friend of relative's house (but be sure to be safe and stay healthy). If you're doing this, I would encourage you to set it up ahead of time and communicate that you won't be getting out of the car and you just want to wave and say hi.
• Car Tracks - Use painters tape or masking tape and create a car track. I've seen one that even goes on the
  
  couches, tables, and other furniture. We've done this inside with a large roll of paper and more often outside on the sidewalk with chalk. Sometimes I make it large and they ride their bikes and ride on toys around it like a race track. Other times, they bring their small vehicles out and create a town. This is a favorite of ours, and we do this often!
• Cardboard Boxes - My kids love nothing more than being the brains behind a project. If we have an empty box and I ask S what he wants to do with it, he ALWAYS has an idea. I'm the cutter, taper, and general workhorse of the project, but he has all the ideas and designs. It's so fun to watch their creativity in activities like these. We've made cars, boats, airplanes, and space ships of every kind of design. Their imagination has no limit, and they will love working together to do this with you. I'm not fancy, and we never use more than packing tape, scissors or exacto knife, and markers. You could go all out and do paint, but that makes this project go from fun to stressful for me, so do what brings life to you and yours!
• Clean the House - I know, this isn't exactly a fun one, but I have been trying to have one scheduled day a week that we clean together. The kids actually think it's fun to use my Norwex cloths to wash the windows or dust. They "help" vacuum and pick up their toys. It's a win-win, because the predictability helps our house get clean, teaches them responsibility of helping, and sets me up to stop working for the weekend (aside from essentials like dishes or an occasional load of urgent laundry).

Playing in their fort.

These are just a few of the things we do. And not every day, mind you. Sometimes our "planned activity" for the day is going for a walk. We still watch too much TV and have tablet time every day. There have been other ideas people have posted that totally flopped with my kids, because kids are unique and have their own personalities, likes and dislikes, and aptitudes. That's okay! We are all just trying to do our best here.

Most importantly give yourself grace. Don’t compare yourself to another mom who posts what fun things she and her kids are doing (no, not even me... especially not me)! Guaranteed, that was a fun part of the day or week, and maybe they’re just proud of that. But they probably had meltdowns and tears and lost their patience just like the rest of us. No judgment in that. I love to share our fun and creative moments, but those moments are often far outnumbered by ordinary or hard ones. Just don’t compare your real life to anyone else’s highlight reel.

Finally, kids are resilient and it’s good for them to come up with things to play. We don’t have to constantly entertain them. There are times were we all need a little something extra to break up the monotony, especially now. That’s what the activities on this list are for us. If they work for you, great. If not, don’t stress trying to make them happen. Find what works for you and your family. We will all get through this, and hopefully our kids will have some fun memories of this confusing time.

Easter Hope

M asked me this morning if I prayed for God to make her creative. I told her that I prayed a lot of things for her but that was a special gift God gave her to use for Him. She had asked me just after I finished my coffee if we could "do art with our art supplies." She diligently painted for over 30 minutes and took care in the details of each of her lovely pictures.

I love seeing these special gifts unfold in children as they grow. M is so good at creating things and artistic things. S is very inquisitive and has a scientist’s mind about approaching everything he does. He is also great at building things. I is very sweet and affectionate and also has some artistic aptitudes. His latest thing is drawing chalk scribbles. It keeps him focused longer than any other activity right now. All of our kids love music and singing and playing instruments, and we see some potential giftedness growing in them in this area as well. 

As I sit in reflection about Easter and celebrating what that means for us, I can’t help but be thankful for the way God loves us. Not only did He saved us from death and darkness and despair when Jesus went to the cross, but we can now live with hope that reaches beyond the darkness and sadness and anxiety of this world as we look forward to eternity in Heaven. And even beyond that, God touches us in this world, and gives us glimpses of that eternal hope. He brings His Kingdom here, in the present, in the midst of imperfection, and gifts us with incredible abilities to create beauty and think inquisitively. When we use those gifts to honor Him, we can feel a bit more “whole” and complete. I believe that’s a glimpse of Heaven, when we will be fully whole and complete in the presence of God. 

As we enter this Easter week, in the midst of a pandemic and quarantines, I pray we all take the time to spend listening for the Lord—through the Holy Spirit, through Scripture, through song, through others—and truly appreciate the weight of Jesus going to the cross for us. To truly appreciate the wonder and glory that He rose from the dead. That this isn’t just some fabled story, but that it truly happened. And that it changed everything. And praise the Lord it did! Because it allows us to live in hope and spread joy despite circumstances. This is what we celebrate this week and long for others to know and experience all year long!

Moving During a Pandemic

This has been such a weird season of life. Like, out of body experience, is this really happening? Weird. The past 6 months have felt both incredibly long and impossibly fast, considering all the major life events that have happened: Andrew left for army training for 3 months, I traveled with the kids to visit his parents, he lost his full-time job, we traveled to his graduation, celebrated Christmas, visited a church in Oklahoma, and then prepared to sell our house and move here to begin working. Oh, and then cue the worldwide pandemic and being self-quarantined in a new place.

It’s honestly not been bad. It's been hard in a lot of ways, but we've found so much joy through everything. It's just honestly a weird time to move some place new... We arrived in a whirlwind of closing on our home, leaving Kentucky, and arriving in Oklahoma the next day to close on our house here. Then, we waited for nearly two weeks for our moving truck to come with all our stuff, which left us very much in limbo as Andrew began his job. People at the church were very welcoming and willing to help, and we made the best of our air mattresses, mini fridge, and wide open spaces in our empty home to play. We finally have our furniture and other belongings and have mostly settled in and unpacked. We love our new house and neighborhood. It is the perfect space for our family.

Though the setting is different, daily life hasn’t changed too drastically for me, since I had all three kiddos with me every day anyway. We miss going out places and having play dates, but none of our friends are hanging out either. We’re still keeping in touch virtually, probably better than we would have otherwise due to the stay at home restrictions. I believe it is a silver lining, a way God has been graciously gentle with my heart through this move, that he has used such a tragic time to allow us to stay better connected than ever.

Still, it’s just... weird. We’ve described it to each other as it feels like we’re taking a vacation in someone else’s home. We’re settling in nicely, but have that feeling of when will we be able to go back “home?” If we had moved here and been able to jump into immediately building community and regular church schedules and work, it might feel different, or that feeling might come sooner. But the reality is, everyone is adjusting right now. We just don’t know what our new-new normal will look like once this passes... but then again, that is a question on many people’s minds these days.

I thought I was handling the stress of it all fairly well, until I started seeing physical effects of it on my body. Not being able to sleep. Bad dreams. A cold sore, which I often get from stress. I even thought I might be pregnant for a minute because I was so nauseous every day (I wasn’t! But thank you, extra stress)! It turns out, the stress had snuck up on me, and now I had to deal with it. I'm still dealing with it, if I’m being honest.

I am trying to make sure I am taking care of myself physically. This means getting sleep, exercising, eating well. It's hard, for sure, but I know it's important to my overall health and the health of my family. I am spending time in prayer and surrounding myself with God's Words. I am trying to stay connected to friends who can help me process and encourage me spiritually and emotionally. Our family is committed to doing church at home online every week, and we really look forward to it. We are celebrating Easter in our home, even though it will look different with all the restrictions, and we are trying to be intentional about teaching our children about Jesus' sacrifice and what that means. I am also trying to focus on the positives, because there is always an upside to be found in trial.

It has been a nice time of not being "busy" with stuff filling up our nights and weekends and really getting to be together as a family and establish our routine again. We've been able to give the kids some focused attention and quality time that they have needed after our last few months of inconsistency. We have been able to stay connected to family and friends across the country better than we ever have. I have even started establishing a routine of some simple schoolwork with our kids in preparation for beginning home schooling next year.

While we're not sure how long this will last or when we'll finally feel settled and truly "home" again, we know that God has called us here for a purpose and that He will not leave us. He is comfort and peace in an uncomfortable time, and I do not have to fear or be anxious if I can keep my eyes focused on Him. I can look back on my life and see where He has brought me, and I am confident He will continue to do so. As the song by Elevation worship says, "I've seen You move the mountains, and I believe I'll see you do it again."

And in the moments where fear gets the best of me, where my faith may falter, and I begin to question God's presence or sovereignty in this dark time, I am over and over again reminded of the verse in Mark 9:24 of a father asking Jesus to heal his son, "I believe; help me overcome my unbelief." God can handle our doubts. We don't have to pretend we have it all figured out or fake our faith. He just wants us to bring our fears and doubts to Him, seek the Truth, and in His presence be strengthened and comforted. Praise Him! Hallelujah!

Priorities

If I didn’t believe Jesus was true, if I didn’t believe God is who He says He is, I would live my life in a very different way. Urgency would have a different priority: If our life on earth is it, there’s an urgency be with family as much as I can, be near to them and friends, be happy, make this life last as long as I can. But because our mindset is eternal, because we believe our purpose and mission is to learn more about who God is, and we let Him lead as Lord of our life on earth. We trust that He is our Savior and way to eternal life in a perfect heaven. And we want to bring as many people with us as we can. So our priorities shift: the urgency is to share Jesus with people, to spend time with God and hearing what His plan is instead of asking him to bless our plan. We spend time with family and raise our families, and those are important things. In fact, they are incredible blessings from God. But we have to view that under the umbrella of where He calls us. It’s not just a decision. It’s a calling. It’s being led and trusting in a path that isn’t forged by me but a Holy and powerful God who knows so much more than I could dream.

There has been a slow shift for me in my priorities over the past 15 years. When Andrew and I were dating, he thought he might be called as a missionary to Brazil. At that point, I had only taken one mission trip and only been out of the country one time. I had not traveled many places beyond Florida, and at two hours away, this Midwest girl was living as far away from my family as I ever had or wanted to. It was a defining moment in our relationship, with lots of long conversations and tears. I ended up deciding that I knew Andrew was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and if God was calling him to Brazil, then He would call me, too, and I would go. I told Andrew then, and I still say it to him often, "I will follow you anywhere." Because I know the good, Godly man He is, and that Andrew will always follow the Lord, and he always considers how it will affect me, and now our children. How could I not follow him (Andrew)? How could I not follow HIM (God)? It might not always be easy, but God has been so gentle with preparing my heart for each step we've taken, and we've been on great adventures, and I believe we have many great adventures ahead as we prioritize following the Lord. Together.

In One Month: Selling, Buying, and Praying

I have seen this post a few times and it is ringing especially true for us this year. The last month has been a whirlwind to say the least, but how has it only been one month? It has been both incredibly short and long all at the same time. 

In the first month of this new year, we took a trip to visit a church in Oklahoma for a potential job, which led us to make the decision to move. We cleaned out every room, closet, nook and cranny of our house and deep cleaned every cobweb and speck of dust, with the thanks of some wonderful friends. We listed our home and had eight showings and an offer of our listing price within ONE day! Our offer was accepted on a house in Oklahoma. We booked a moving company and put several van loads of stuff into storage. All this while taking care of three littles, prepping taxes to be done, Andrew working part time at Amazon, taking care of Army things, and getting things in order to continue his Master’s at a new school. We. Are. Exhausted. 

And today, Andrew leaves again for a month on Army orders. It will be a great experience for him and his career, and we are grateful to the leaders in his unit for taking care of our family and making sure he had some full time work. But we are sad to see him leave again, especially since we’ve barely had time to settle into any kind of routine since he came back from CHBOLC. We have had much less time to process and prepare for this leave with everything else going on. When he leaves, I know I can do it, but our family doesn’t feel as complete. He brings so much laughter, warmth, and stability into our daily routine, and there is a huge hole in his absence. We are already missing him terribly!

However, there is so much to be thankful for. Not the least of which is the last few days that we were able to spend together. We had fun quality family time, date night, nights snuggling watching TV, and lots of laughter. We’ve prayed hard and praised God, and He has continued to prove Himself faithful time and again. It has truly been an encouragement that He is paving this way for us and confirmation of our decision to move to Oklahoma. We are being attentive to His leading and it has covered this month which a lot of peace. While normal anxiety is still a daily struggle, I have found so much hope in surrendering every step in this process to His will. It has been so freeing!

I am also thankful for answered prayers. From selling our house quickly to finding the right house, we wanted all the big decisions to be taken care of before Andrew left. On our timeline, this was an ambitious goal. We had originally put an offer in on a house we loved several weeks ago, before listing our home. Because our offer was contingent on selling our house, the seller went with another offer. We were disappointed but trusted God with the process. We looked at tons of houses via FaceTime (thanks to our realtor and new friend at the church!), and made another offer on a different house. During this process, the first house came back on the market. After countering back and forth a bit, we decided to begin negotiations on the first house again, and it worked! We are excited to begin to imagine our family in our new home, and God has been evident all along. Again, God continues to confirm His leading in this move. So as hard as it will be to leave our home and community here, we can move forward in confidence. 

I couldn’t be happier that the kids and I get to spend the next month with family and friends, playing and enjoying the last moments of calling this place home. And I intend to enjoy every minute until then, and every minute after of the adventure that will then begin.

MLK Day

A lot has changed in 50 years but not enough. I could make comments about our President and his lack of respect for others, or how the media likes to push certain agendas as take hold of social justice issues. But the reality is, this is about me and you, the average person digesting the social temperature of our country. What are WE doing to affect change? We have to do better. 

In this season of motherhood with littles, I often become self-centered. So much of my is poured into my family and these tiny humans who need me that I don’t have much energy left to pour into social justice issues. Yet on the other hand, as a mom of children who are not white, it’s extremely concerning to me. 

I have read many quotes about how inaction, especially by those who are white and privileged (which we are, whether we acknowledge it or not), continues to feed the problem. I certainly don’t want that to be my role, nor the role my children see me live out. So I’ve been feeling challenged about not staying silent, but what action can I take? 

It often feels overwhelming or hopeless, akin to solving world hunger or poverty.  But I am reminded we’re not called to do everything, but we are called to do something. To play our own small part and as a body, make a big difference together. This may look like allowing teachable moments as we go about our lives. Stepping in when I see something. Teaching my children to love all people. Talking with them as they grow about the injustice we see and hear about all too often and how we can be the change and do better. 

It also may look like intentionally seeking out opportunities to expose them to cultures and backgrounds and people we may not encounter naturally in our daily lives. Getting involved in serving and ministries as a family that stretch us outside our comfort zone. Loving those who are overlooked by the world by going out of our way to provide their basic needs or a listening ear or a hug. 

As a mother, wife, and follower of Jesus I am called to stand up, speak out, and do my part. I’m still figuring out what what looks like in this season of life where I barely take a breather for myself, but I must do something. I will not stand by and be a part of the problem. I will be a part of the solution, and in doing so honor Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr and so many who have stood up for justice and equality before me. It’s our time. 

(Megan)

We are moving to OKLAHOMA!

I’ve tried to start this post a bunch of different ways, but none seems quite right, so here it is straight and simple: We are moving to Oklahoma in March! As of this past Tuesday, Andrew has accepted a job at a church in Enid, Oklahoma (about an hour and a half north of Oklahoma City). We are really excited but anxious at the same time.

I don’t know that I could have predicted any of the events the last two months have held for us, so it shouldn’t surprise me that this move wasn’t really on our radar until very recently. As most people around us know, our family has been pursuing a path toward becoming an Army Chaplain, and we still are. The plan prior to CCU closing was for Andrew to continue his job at the Center for Church Leadership while finishing school and then to assess as a full time, active duty chaplain.

However, CCU’s closing shook up our plans a bit... well, actually, a lot. As Andrew began looking for jobs, he felt naturally pulled back into the worship ministry role again. But with only a year of school left, as well as serving in the Army Reserve and being gone one weekend a month, finding a position in ministry was going to be tricky. We began reevaluating and asking God to open opportunities and for Him to work to reveal the best one. The right one. The one where we could best serve His Kingdom and honor the calling to serve the military.

Our preference was to find a job where we wouldn’t need to move. Our next choice, if we needed to move, would be to move near family, either in Indianapolis or Tucson. There were some possibilities there and Andrew applied for a few jobs. Then, there were a couple of churches in other locations, and these positions seemed like really great fits, but we weren’t entirely sure at first about relocating our family. So, Andrew, being diligent, pursued these leads. He even visited one of the churches and did an initial interview while he was at training in South Carolina. And we prayed hard. While we had our preferences, we were truly open to whatever God was calling us to next. We knew even then, He had his hand working in all of this. We prayed for clarity and peace.

At this point, I need to back up and mention that Andrew is dealing with all of this while still at CHBOLC, where he didn’t have a lot of free time to fill out job applications. I am impressed with his diligence and determination to find a job and provide for our family. He asked some of his fellow chaplains for prayer over the situation. One of his chaplain friends mentioned that his church in Oklahoma was looking for a worship minister, and he thought Andrew would be a good fit. He had actually already even sent a video of Andrew leading worship to the leaders.

You guys, I couldn’t even make this stuff up if I tried. God is such an incredible author, and we have felt His hand through every detail of this process and are confident we will continue to do so!

It’s funny, though, because when Andrew first mentioned this opportunity to me, my reaction was less than positive. I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of, “Oklahoma?! That’s the middle of nowhere!” Said the girl born and raised in Indiana, as someone pointed out to me. But what I meant was that it was nowhere near either one of our families. 11 hours from one and 17 hours from the other.

Despite my initial reaction, I was quickly reminded of God’s goodness and faithfulness. Where He calls us, He will provide. A way there. Financially. A community. The strength. He will always provide what we need.

So, the church invited us out to visit and have Andrew lead worship. Thanks to some dear friends of ours who agreed to take care of our kids, we were able to get away for the weekend, spend some time together, and attentively learn about the church and the position. We met the staff and some members of the team, asked a million questions, and got an overall feel for the church and the town. I could tell it was a great fit from the beginning. As I saw Andrew leading the team in practice, I knew he was back in his element, and his joy was evident. The church is also a great fit for me and our family. They are very family focused and everyone kept saying what a great place Enid is to raise a family, and it really is such a neat community that we are excited to become a part of.

On top of that, we could tell this church loves people well. They take care of people well, and there is an emphasis on pouring into the staff, so they can, in turn, pour into the rest of the church and their respective ministries. They’re in a place where they’re ready to stretch and grow, and it was evident the Holy Spirit is moving there. It’s exciting to get to be a part of the body there and experience all that God is doing and will do in the future.

As we left, we said we wanted to take a couple of weeks and talk about it, process it all, and pray about it. The pastor said something that really stuck with me: “Don’t make it more complicated than it needs to be.” And he was exactly right.

When you feel God stirring something in you, it’s easy to come up with a million reasons why not to do something. But if we seek Him in wisdom, then we can say yes without fearing all the “what ifs.”

On the plane ride home I wrote, “I’m almost certain it’s the right opportunity. I’m just waiting for Andrew to lead that conversation.” And within 24 hours, we made the decision to accept the position and move to Oklahoma. It was exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

In the past week, we’ve been a whirlwind of emotions and action. We were both feeling overwhelmed at the amount of tasks ahead of us, and to make things more complicated, Andrew was put on active orders for the month of February prior to all of this. So, in just a few days, we’ve started the home buying process of searching houses and completing loan approval paperwork. We’ve started decluttering and staging our home to sell and scheduled an appointment with realtors. We took down our Christmas stuff (yes, it was still up!) and packed 10 boxes of stuff already and have thrown out or gotten rid of much more. We researched moving companies and googled how to move across the country. We’ve gathered boxes and packing material. I’ve written lists and lists of stuff to do. And we’ve prayed. A lot.

It’s been so busy that all the emotion hasn’t quite settled in yet. I’ve been nervous to tell some family and close friends, because, by nature, I don’t like to disappoint people or make them sad. And since I’ve been on hyperdrive getting things done, I haven’t had the time or space to truly FEEL the feelings I have about leaving our house—our home where we brought home all our babies, where we cried over our lost pregnancy, where we first met Paisley. I haven’t felt all the feelings about having to sell our house after just finishing our beautiful new kitchen. I haven’t felt all the feelings about leaving behind people who have shaped who I am and experienced many ups and downs of life for the past 12 years. I haven’t felt all the feelings about living farther away from my family, especially my mom and sister (and soon new baby nephew!), than I have in my whole life. I haven’t felt all those feelings yet, because I know when I do, I won’t be able to get things done for a little bit. I know it’s healthy and I’ll need to mourn what we are leaving behind, but again, I know that God is calling us, so I can sit in the sadness for a bit, but I can also feel really excited about all the things God has in store for us in the coming years.

Back in November, right after Andrew lost his job, I had several friends remind me that it is when we are at our lowest or having the hardest time that God has the biggest opportunity to show off His goodness, His power, and His faithfulness.  I feel like right before we left to visit Oklahoma, we had been really stressed about finances and finding a job. About potentially having to move and leave our community. But by the time we returned from the trip, God had provided for all of our immediate financial needs, as well as restored some of the joy and hope we had been missing amidst the stress of it all. We were gone for 3 days, and God took care of so many big things in that short time! He is powerful; He is good; He loves us and wants good for us.

Recently, I heard this worship song and it resonated with me, because it is so applicable to every part of our lives, but especially when I think about pursuing chaplaincy or this new position:

“Wherever You lead me

Whatever it costs me
Oh, all I want is You
Jesus, all I want is You”

Wherever we go, we want to be walking in God’s will and purpose for our lives. Even when it’s hard, it will always prove greater than what we dream up on our own. So, now begins the next leg of our adventure. I can’t even begin to imagine what the Lord plans on doing from here, but I know it will be the ride of a lifetime! 

Reflections on 2019 and Looking Forward to 2020

In my reflection on 2019, I wrote, “So, we are calling 2019 a year of preparation. Sometimes preparing for something new can bring anxiety about unknown hurdles or feeling  frustrated with the waiting. So we will be leaning into the Lord and drawing near to one another... I can’t say I’m ready for all 2019 can bring, but I know we can do hard things and look forward to the growth that will come on the other side.”

This quickly became our motto for the year: "I can do hard things." We had it on our letter board, front and center for quite some time. It reminded us daily of our strength and hope beyond our difficult circumstance, whether big or small.

In 2019, it was our first year in the Army and Andrew served in the Army Reserve and traveled periodically for trainings and battle assembly weekends. I also attended Woman Camp for the second time, but the first time as a prayer warrior. This was stretching and challenging and so incredibly encouraging for my spiritual walk. My sister got married. I got my first tattoo with my siblings. Isaac turned one and we had a joint birthday party for him and my niece, who is three months older than he is. We had our first ER trip with our kiddos, when Maria dislocated her elbow. We did an unplanned complete kitchen renovation after discovering water and mold damage. We took our first family vacation as the five of us to Columbus, Ohio for a weekend. I took a personal retreat weekend and stayed in a hotel by myself! Andrew and I took our first kid-free weekend away since before having kids. Nana passed away this year.

Andrew went on his first extended training for three months and the kids and I traveled to Indiana, Arizona, and then to celebrate his graduation in South Carolina. Our kids have shown flexibility I could not have imagined 12 months ago, and they absolutely love to travel--and love coming home to their toys and their beds even more. We ended the year learning of Cincinnati Christian University's closing. We were left dealing with the sadness of this being our alma mater, but also the harder realities of Andrew still needing to complete is Master of Divinity before assessing as a Chaplain, as well as the loss of Andrew's job, since the nonprofit he worked for was under the greater CCU umbrella. This year has brought many losses and challenges, as well as sweet moments and memories, but most of all, this year has brought so much personal growth. It has been hard, but so, so good.

As I reflect, I can't help but also reflect on the last 10 years. We've all seen the memes and jokes about 2000 being 20 years ago (but seriously, how?!), but these past two decades have essentially contained my growing into adulthood years. In 2000, I was 13 and remember vividly everyone getting "Y2K Survival Kits" with water and canned goods from my grandma for Christmas. I remember ringing in the new year talking on AIM with my middle school "boyfriend" and being slightly relieved that the world wasn't ending.

In 2010, I rang in the new year after landing in the Philippines for a mission trip. Andrew and I, and a team from CCU, were going to do some teaching at Manila Bible Seminary and work with local area churches. It was mine and Andrew's first mission trip together (we had each taken a few on our own), and we were engaged to be married that spring after graduating. I was so full of adventure and bright, dreamy ideas of what the future would hold for us. I can say that life has taken some very unexpected turns, but it has turned out every bit as full and wonderful as I had hoped.

My personal word for 2020 is "Abide." I took one of those "What is your word for the year?" quizzes. Apparently that's becoming trendy, as new year's resolutions are becoming a fad of the past. At the risk of sounding hipster, I chose words for the year before it was cool. But seriously, I think Abide fits well with where I'm at right now. I'm coming out of a year of preparation and personal growth. Now, I need to abide in the Lord's presence daily. Moment by moment. When I am losing my cool with my kids. When I am struggling because Andrew is away. When I'm content and enjoying my current situation. Always abiding. Always turning my thoughts and needs and desires back to Him. Taking my worries and struggles and celebrations to Him. Simply reconnecting and rediscovering a deeper intimacy with my loving Father. Abiding.

For our family, our 2020 word is flexible. While Andrew was at CHBOLC (his training he just returned from), they had a motto: "Semper Gumby" because they had to always be flexible, as things changed quickly and often. That's life, right? Military life especially, but it's true in all areas. As our kids grow, their needs and how we respond to them is constantly changing. In this next year, jobs will change, school with change, potentially our house and community could change... And rather than fight those changes, God has been preparing our hearts to embrace them. Roll with them. Enjoy the adventure. I can't control it anyhow, and trying will only bring pain. I picture an image painted in a book I once read. I'm standing in the ocean and the waves are giant and crashing full force around me. I can either fight them as they come, gulping for air between each one, and barely standing back up before I'm knocked over again. OR... Or I can roll with them. Ride the waves to shore. Enjoy the adventure and stop trying to control it. Compared to the "Me" of ten years ago, I'd say that's some pretty incredible growth, and it is due only to the power of the Holy Spirit at work in me. And I am so grateful for that.

So, I started this decade unmarried and in college and seeking adventure from life. I'm ended it by putting my three littles to bed after an early countdown and snuggling next to my sleeping  husband. The adventure looks different than I imagined, but it has been no less thrilling. The next ten years are
going to be a wild ride. We've got an Army career ahead of us, potential new ministries, and the bulk of our kids' childhoods. I know there is much more maturing and growing for me to do. I read this quote in an article recently and haven't been able to get it out of my head,

“I knew there would be a lot of work in becoming a wife and mom; I just didn't realize how much of it would be done with my heart instead of my hands.”

I've learned to stop trying to predict the future and simply roll with it, as I trust God to work it all out for the good, keep my eyes and heart fixed on heaven, take breaths in the times of peace, and hold on for dear life as we say yes to the Lord and yes to the Kingdom work He calls us to do. Cheers to growth, abiding with the Lord, and being flexible in 2020 and beyond.

CHBOLC From a Wife's Perspective

It's been a whirlwind end to the year, but I wanted to share some thoughts I've had as Andrew has just returned from his Army training called CHBOLC (Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course).  This is basically basic training and technical school training all wrapped in one specifically for those training to become Army Chaplains. He was gone for three months, and it was such a unique experience for Andrew and his motto was to take full advantage and make the most of it. He worked hard academically and physically, and I could not be more proud of all he learned and his accomplishments.

Of course, juggling kids solo was the biggest challenge for me while Andrew was away. But we had the most incredible, supportive community, and so many people jumped in to help in more ways than I could even name here. We also spent several weeks with my in-laws in Arizona, as well as time in Indy with my mom. It was definitely hard, but we found our routine and I was truly surprised at how fast the time went (looking back, of course... it made for some long days, for sure).

On the trip out to visit him, I was very much anticipating our reuniting. It felt so good to be back together again, and the kids yelling, "Papa!" and running to him with warm hugs was every bit as emotional as I thought it would be. I was also amazed at the change I saw in Andrew, not just physically (yeah, he's a hottie!), but in confidence in being part of the military culture. He was throwing around all these acronyms like a pro, stopping and saluting during the trumpet playing retreat, and just overall carrying himself differently in his uniform. I could tell he had gained even more respect for the position and the job. It was exciting to see, but also a little overwhelming to enter, as I had not been through any of that same training. I barely knew kind of what he would be doing as a chaplain.

I had the incredibly opportunity to attend the Chief of Chaplains' Spouse's Seminar while in South Carolina to celebrate Andrew's graduation. It was a day and a half of speakers and the wives of  distinguished and high ranking chaplain officials sharing their wisdom and stories. It was amazing to sit under their wisdom, ask questions, and soak in the military life. My big take aways were: 1. If God has called my spouse into chaplaincy, He has called our whole family and has a plan and purpose for each of us. And 2. I am not alone. I had the opportunity to meet and spend time with many other wives in the exact same situation I am. It felt so encouraging just to know I'm not alone. In our community, we have felt extremely supported and loved, but we are an anomaly and not the norm. Here, being away from Andrew for three months was small potatoes compared to some of the women experiencing multiple year or longer deployments. But they all made it. And they were here sharing tips and encouragement they learned along the way. It was incredible and I walked away with, for possibly the first time, an actual excitement to begin this new journey.

It was such an important, and I believe defining experience for our family as we begin the ministry God is calling us to. It has been a long process, but I believe God has been preparing us all along for this purpose. I think He also knew my heart wouldn't be able to take it if He didn't gently nudge me into it. He is so gracious and so gentle in dealing with my insecurity. But He has brought me so far in dealing with my anxiety, desire to control, and paralyzing fear. I couldn't even begin to think about being an Army Chaplain spouse apart from His grace and power working in my life.

So what next? One of the biggest questions or misconceptions people have had is what we do from here. Many people are confused about why we haven't moved or are surprised to see us back home. For now, Andrew is in the Army Reserve as a Chaplain Candidate until he finishes his Master of Divinity. The plan was that he would only have two semesters left of grad school, but with CCU's closing, he has been applying and is waiting to hear back from schools. Through some connections with a friend and divine intervention, there is a college he can attend online who is willing to accept all his credits, meaning he should still only have a year of school left. At that point, our plan had been to transition to active duty, be stationed somewhere and move as a family to begin a new career of ministry in the Army. However, with CCU's closing, Andrew lost his job as well. So, for now, we're seeking God and trusting whatever plan He has and wherever He takes us will be right for our family and the future Kingdom work we will be doing. This may mean entering back into the world of worship and church ministry. Possibly staying Reserve as a chaplain. Possibly moving. Maybe near family, maybe not. We honestly don't have a lot of "for sures" right now, but we are sure God has a good plan and is faithful. And we are sure we will obey when we hear clearly from Him. He's brought us

this far, and He won't abandon us now.

Little Princess is 3!

Oh, my little love! You have grown so much this past year—taller and looking so grown up, but also in maturity. You’re starting to talk all the time which is such a change from the shy little girl you used to be. You are developing the sweetest relationship with your brothers, and I love watching you guys play and giggle together. You have a very strong will and are quite sassy, but that will serve you well in life. You keep me on my toes and are so incredibly funny. You have just recently started embracing all the girly things, and you love Elsa and snowflakes! You are truly my Christmas baby! I love the relationship I am developing with you and truly have enjoyed this last year of life. Here’s to three, my little princess!