This quickly became our motto for the year: "I can do hard things." We had it on our letter board, front and center for quite some time. It reminded us daily of our strength and hope beyond our difficult circumstance, whether big or small.
In 2019, it was our first year in the Army and Andrew served in the Army Reserve and traveled periodically for trainings and battle assembly weekends. I also attended Woman Camp for the second time, but the first time as a prayer warrior. This was stretching and challenging and so incredibly encouraging for my spiritual walk. My sister got married. I got my first tattoo with my siblings. Isaac turned one and we had a joint birthday party for him and my niece, who is three months older than he is. We had our first ER trip with our kiddos, when Maria dislocated her elbow. We did an unplanned complete kitchen renovation after discovering water and mold damage. We took our first family vacation as the five of us to Columbus, Ohio for a weekend. I took a personal retreat weekend and stayed in a hotel by myself! Andrew and I took our first kid-free weekend away since before having kids. Nana passed away this year.
Andrew went on his first extended training for three months and the kids and I traveled to Indiana, Arizona, and then to celebrate his graduation in South Carolina. Our kids have shown flexibility I could not have imagined 12 months ago, and they absolutely love to travel--and love coming home to their toys and their beds even more. We ended the year learning of Cincinnati Christian University's closing. We were left dealing with the sadness of this being our alma mater, but also the harder realities of Andrew still needing to complete is Master of Divinity before assessing as a Chaplain, as well as the loss of Andrew's job, since the nonprofit he worked for was under the greater CCU umbrella. This year has brought many losses and challenges, as well as sweet moments and memories, but most of all, this year has brought so much personal growth. It has been hard, but so, so good.
As I reflect, I can't help but also reflect on the last 10 years. We've all seen the memes and jokes about 2000 being 20 years ago (but seriously, how?!), but these past two decades have essentially contained my growing into adulthood years. In 2000, I was 13 and remember vividly everyone getting "Y2K Survival Kits" with water and canned goods from my grandma for Christmas. I remember ringing in the new year talking on AIM with my middle school "boyfriend" and being slightly relieved that the world wasn't ending.
In 2010, I rang in the new year after landing in the Philippines for a mission trip. Andrew and I, and a team from CCU, were going to do some teaching at Manila Bible Seminary and work with local area churches. It was mine and Andrew's first mission trip together (we had each taken a few on our own), and we were engaged to be married that spring after graduating. I was so full of adventure and bright, dreamy ideas of what the future would hold for us. I can say that life has taken some very unexpected turns, but it has turned out every bit as full and wonderful as I had hoped.
My personal word for 2020 is "Abide." I took one of those "What is your word for the year?" quizzes. Apparently that's becoming trendy, as new year's resolutions are becoming a fad of the past. At the risk of sounding hipster, I chose words for the year before it was cool. But seriously, I think Abide fits well with where I'm at right now. I'm coming out of a year of preparation and personal growth. Now, I need to abide in the Lord's presence daily. Moment by moment. When I am losing my cool with my kids. When I am struggling because Andrew is away. When I'm content and enjoying my current situation. Always abiding. Always turning my thoughts and needs and desires back to Him. Taking my worries and struggles and celebrations to Him. Simply reconnecting and rediscovering a deeper intimacy with my loving Father. Abiding.
For our family, our 2020 word is flexible. While Andrew was at CHBOLC (his training he just returned from), they had a motto: "Semper Gumby" because they had to always be flexible, as things changed quickly and often. That's life, right? Military life especially, but it's true in all areas. As our kids grow, their needs and how we respond to them is constantly changing. In this next year, jobs will change, school with change, potentially our house and community could change... And rather than fight those changes, God has been preparing our hearts to embrace them. Roll with them. Enjoy the adventure. I can't control it anyhow, and trying will only bring pain. I picture an image painted in a book I once read. I'm standing in the ocean and the waves are giant and crashing full force around me. I can either fight them as they come, gulping for air between each one, and barely standing back up before I'm knocked over again. OR... Or I can roll with them. Ride the waves to shore. Enjoy the adventure and stop trying to control it. Compared to the "Me" of ten years ago, I'd say that's some pretty incredible growth, and it is due only to the power of the Holy Spirit at work in me. And I am so grateful for that.
So, I started this decade unmarried and in college and seeking adventure from life. I'm ended it by putting my three littles to bed after an early countdown and snuggling next to my sleeping husband. The adventure looks different than I imagined, but it has been no less thrilling. The next ten years are
going to be a wild ride. We've got an Army career ahead of us, potential new ministries, and the bulk of our kids' childhoods. I know there is much more maturing and growing for me to do. I read this quote in an article recently and haven't been able to get it out of my head,
“I knew there would be a lot of work in becoming a wife and mom; I just didn't realize how much of it would be done with my heart instead of my hands.”
I've learned to stop trying to predict the future and simply roll with it, as I trust God to work it all out for the good, keep my eyes and heart fixed on heaven, take breaths in the times of peace, and hold on for dear life as we say yes to the Lord and yes to the Kingdom work He calls us to do. Cheers to growth, abiding with the Lord, and being flexible in 2020 and beyond.
No comments:
Post a Comment